Wednesday, May 5th, 2020

The pressure that couples are subjected to in their daily lives, such as work, raising children, financial issues, division of household responsibilities, relationships with their respective families of origin, stress, etc. interfere with the quality time and availability to be together, however, this time is essential.

The beginning of a relationship is marked as a unique moment, full of fantasy, where a beautiful love story is lived, the 'I' and 'You' give way to 'Us'. We, a couple, who begin to form a family, with good and bad moments.

Many couples, when they cannot manage the less good moments and these extend over time, begin to experience the first conflicts, with cycles of crisis that grow reactivity, resentment, and devaluation.

Love, intimacy, and desire get stuck at a crossroads, entangled, chained, and struggling to express and liberate themselves. In fact, when couples disinvest in 'Us', intimacy, sexual activity, and desire become weakened.

However, at the beginning of the relationship, the couple was already subject to stress-generating factors, and it would not be an impediment for them to be more united, complicit, to have desire, and to invest in their sexuality and intimacy. So, what changed?

Over the years, problems have been arising leading to arguments, lack of trust, disillusionments, and a sense of guilt has been settling in, and the couple has been feeling less free. The absence of freedom imprisons desire, and the body, which cannot lie, unlike words, begins to retract. That is why when things are not going well between the couple, it reflects in the bedroom, and I notice that couples, besides wanting to feel loved, want to feel desired.

Women are the most affected, especially after the birth of children. They want to be valued and desired as women, not as mothers or as wives, or partners.

It is a fact that the couple's sex life changes with the birth of children, as they stop living solely as a couple, to divide or multiply in the role of parenthood.

In truth, the couple does not want to live solely for the children, to be super parents, but rather, super men and super women. Happy, with a sense of connection, appreciated and desired in the relationship, and to have a sexually exciting and intimate life.

It is observed that couples increasingly invest in love, family, and stability, but these are opposed to adventure and desire, to what couples need so much to rejuvenate. Many fall into monotony and consider that they already know everything about each other.

Clutching onto security, they disinvest in moments alone. Eroticism and seduction games are a flame that keeps the couple's relationship alive, just like the oxygen we need to breathe. That is why it is so important for the couple to step out of their bubble of daily concerns and take refuge in a moment dedicated to romance.

Many couples feel ashamed and there are still many taboos surrounding sexuality and erotic expression, and many are afraid of being judged.

Many conflicts are related not only to sexual relationships but also to the absence of intimacy, and the absence of intimacy when there is no intimacy becomes a real problem, which is often expressed in a game of blame and demands, with the common practice of attributing to the other a responsibility that belongs to both.

By talking, they will learn about each other's needs, for example, if they want more moments of intimacy, if they want more frequency in sexual relations, if they do not feel comfortable taking the initiative, if they want affectionate moments during sex, if they would like to try new things, if they want to have more pleasure, if they have fantasies they would like to explore, etc.

It should expand while releasing inhibitions and constraints, unlocking fantasies and desires.

Therefore, couple rituals are necessary, moments dedicated to the two, and weekend getaways.

Some authors are of the opinion that intimacy feeds desire, but that sexual pleasure requires distance, and that erotic intimacy is the adult version of the game of hide and seek.

This game and many others are part of an unfinished process, which the couple must invest in and reinvent as they progress in the relationship.

Investing in your erotic intimacy in a carefree and free way, with spontaneity and creativity, revives erotic vitality. And it is recommended!